Stomach Emptying Test

Today Nathaniel had a stomach emptying test at Children's Hospital.  To prepare for the exam Nathaniel needed to stop eating or drinking eight hours prior to the test.  We checked into Children's Hospital at 8am in the Radiology Department.  In order for them to do the test Nathaniel is supposed to drink in the exam room 4 oz of his formula with a special radiation liquid added.  I sat him on my lap to ease him into his feeding.  The problem right off is that Nathaniel already gets anxious when we enter Children's Hospital.  He's been there and had so many procedures that he already knows something is going to happen to him.  So, I tried to ease him by cradling him and then offering him his bottle.  He closes his mouth up and refuses to open his mouth.  I remind his that he's hungry and that he's not drank his "bubby" (his word for bottle) this morning.  NO he yells.  The technician warns me that the test cannot be done unless he drinks his bottle.  I ask her for suggestions on feeding a child that refuses to open his mouth.  She suggests we syringe feed him.  We try this and fortunately he takes in about half the necessary amount.  She agrees to go ahead an begin.  
She now explains how the procedure works.  In order to perform a stomach emptying test the child has to lay flat on a foam board, then strapped down from the shoulders to feet.  Then the x-ray machine is laid on top of the child leaving only about three inches between table and overhead machine.  The exam runs for about two and half hours.  I looked at her shocked thinking how in the world does she expect a child to sit still for that long.  I was very skeptical this was going to work for my very active and easily agitated child.
As the technician takes Nathaniel from my arms to lay him down he immediately begins to scream and cry.  I warned her that any excessive crying for Nathaniel (more than one minute is his definition of excessive) leads to uncontrollable vomiting.  She said if he vomits we'll have to shut down the room and call the hazardous material team since he's infused with radioactive material.  In my mind I responded well get the "haz mat" team ready because he's gonna throw up. She lays him down and straps him in from his shoulders down to his feet.  He was hysterical. Then she laid the imaging machine about three inches from him from the tip of his nose down to his toes. During that moment I thought, we'll be lucky if he stays still without throwing up for five minutes.  Then suddenly I remembered how calm Nathaniel gets when I sing to him his favorite songs.  I sang for about an hour and half straight while having my cheek next to him and rubbing his temples.  He finally fell asleep about half an hour before the the test ended.  The end result was that Nathaniel's stomach empties normally.  This is good! However we are back at square 1 - why is he not gaining weight even with the feeding tube?  More test to follow from the Geneticist to see if Nathaniel has any genetic disorder.  

Water Play - Baths Outside

So the rules at our house change a little bit during the summer.  We become a little more relaxed about schedules, dinners, bed time and even where we take baths.  
Saturday was a perfectly warm summer morning and the children had been plenty dirty from Friday.  But because we got to bed really late we'd skipped out on baths.  So, what's a mom to do but bathe her kids in the morning however kids are already outside drenched in water.  So my best option was enjoy the sun and get the shampoo and soap and get tan while bathing the little ones.  As a mom you gotta be flexible and go with the flow. 

Breakfast at Moonlight Beach

Today was Kaleb's last official weekday before school starts as well as his last day of Junior Lifeguards.  We dropped him off at Moonlight Beach and found our own perfect little oasis  close enough to watch him and his group and close to the water.  We enjoy pancakes, bananas and orange juice for breakfast while watching the waves crash before our eyes.  It was so relaxing and beautiful.  After breakfast we brought out our sand toys and built castles and dug deep holes in the sand.  Once our skin got nice and hot we frolicked in the surf, splashed in the waves and enjoyed the cool ocean water.  We all had such a great time but the cutest part of it all was the amusement that Nathaniel got each time a wave would crash on his legs.  He first would giggle and then let out a huge belly laugh. Olivia also was adorable, she was very protective of Nathaniel making sure he held her hand and jumped as the wave came close.  It was a perfect day to delighted in the warm summer sun, cool water and sand between our toes.  

Cottonwood Park - Reflections of being a SAHM and A Prayer

Today we spent the morning at Cottonwood Park in Encinitas.  It was amazing to get some focus time with my little ones.  I got to play and watch them enjoy the outdoors.  We've had so much stress with all that we have going on with the house cleaning, prepping for showings, and open houses etc that unfortunately a good portion of my day is spent just trying to keep up with the house and not playing much. It's been so hard on me because my favorite part of being a stay at home mom is the teaching, coming up with activities, and playing together. 

And today as I watched my little ones play freely at the park for several hours I could not help but meditate about how blessed I've been for the last four years to be a stay at home mom.  During these last four years I've had the privilege of playing, teaching, watching, feeding, signing, and loving on my babies.  This has been the greatest gift that I could receive from J.J.  And this gift has benefited my children so much.  The kids and I have such a strong relationship together.  I know my children so well including their feelings, desires, and fears.  And during this moment I just prayed that God will ignite a desire in J.J.'s heart to want to provide for us, that he blesses him with a job that continues to allow me to be a stay at home mom.  I prayed that my children wont have to raised by a childcare center, or have to be placed in after school care.  I know that no one can do as good as job as I at raising my children.  No one can possibly come close to loving them as much as I love them.  And no job could ever give me the satisfaction that raising my children has given me.  I love my children so very much and I enjoy the hard days, the chaos, noise, dirty diapers, cleaning bums, attitude, tantrums, just as much as I enjoy watching them slide, climb, play in the mud, learn and discover and all the encounters of the day to day of motherhood. I pray that God grants me this desire of my heart.      

My Dreams and Wishes for You

Yesterday Kaleb volunteered to dress you from head to toe.  Darling you looked like a "skater" according to Kaleb.  He even outfitted you with a flatcap (Neil Mimms style).  You played around on one of Kaleb's many boards without wheels and attempted to ollie.  You were so adorable.  Kaleb has hoped from the day you were born that you will follow in his footsteps and be a proskater.  But during this moment of him ooing and awhing over you looking like a skater it got me thinking about what you are going to grow up to be?  and what your passions maybe be?  

Then I reminiced about when Kaleb was born and was an infant and the many ideas and dreams that I had for him.  I wanted him to love baseball, school and for him to be a doctor.  But, as he is growing older I'm realizing that my dreams are not going to be his dreams.  And now after some experience, I know better.  And all I can dream for you is that you find something that you are passionate about and that you pour your heart into it, that you find what makes you happy.  So my dreams and wishes for you are so simple -  just happiness, gladness, laughs, and lots of love.  Skater, surfer, doctor, baseball player, truck driver, race car driver what ever it may be.  

Birthday Cake a Week Late - Nathaniel

What happens when you turn two and you are the third child?  You get birthday cake a week late.  Please don't go feeling bad for this adorably, sweet baby.  We were at Disneyland the actual day he turned two but once we returned our life got crazy.  Finally, a week later I felt super bad that he hadn't enjoyed birthday cake and most importantly that there were no pictures of Nathaniel with his birthday cake.  So, Olivia and I got to baking and make him his favorite - Chocolate.

We light up candles, sang happy birthday and wouldn't you know it our little man knew without instruction to blow the candles out.  He blew us away - no pun intended.  We didn't know that he knew he was supposed to blow, nor that he can actually put out two candles.  Genius right?

He enjoyed the sweet cake!

What I love about you - Nathaniel

 Just look at these pictures!  Do I need to say more?  OK I will anyway, just because I'm your momma and I adore every little bit of you my beautiful miracle baby boy, Nathaniel.  Here's just a short list:
1. beautiful, bright baby blue eyes
2. mile long eye lashes
3.  sandy blonde hair 
4. a smile that melts my heart
5. your tiny little body (at almost two i can still snuggle you like a baby)
6. your sense of curiosity
7. your ticklish toes
8. your playful nature
9. the way you say, "huggy" when you want a hug
10. the words you you make up "be by you" which we think means be careful
11. when you run up to my leg and hug it
12. the way you run around the house thinking everyone is playing chase with you
13. the way you run your hands around my chest to fall asleep
14. the way you love your sibblings
15. your new fascination with daddy, especially when you squeal in delight when he comes home.

On the Day You Were Born - Nathaniel

On the you were born I was woken up at 1am by the nurses and rushed to the operating room.  It felt surreal, like a movie or dream.  I'd been woken up many times that night by the nurses trying to find your heartbeat.  You'd had many significant decelerations (this means your heart would slowdown) and this time you were not recovering.  The nurses grabbed the bed that I was sleeping in unplugged me from the monitor and raced as fast as I'd ever seen.  I could hear the hospital paging the surgeon on call calling for code red.  The nurses had asked me to please undress as fast as I could and slip into their gown since I was wearing my sweats.  I stripped as they were running me down the hospital corridor.  I was in complete disbelief as I'd only seen this happen in movies.  I was lucky that I had my cell phone on my lap and I immediately tried to call your dad and let him know what was going on.  The phone went straight to voicemail.  I was frightened to death that I might have to face your birth alone.  In the operating room I held on to a nurse's hand clinging hoping this was not real.  I prayed that God would see us through this that you'd be alive.  The nurses and doctors moved so fast, I hardly had a moment to breathe, they were preparing me for surgery and I just kept thinking this is just a practice drill.  I thought and prayed they'd find your heartbeat and send me back to my room.  This was not the case, and thus they cut me open and you were taken out of my womb.  I did not hear you cry, I did not get to see you, no one gave me an update or any word about you.  My heart was breaking thinking you'd not made it.  Finally, your dad showed up and I sent him to see you.  We had no camera to document any of your birth.  They kept me in recovery for hours while they prepared the room that I was going to be staying in.  We kept trying to get updates on Nathaniel's status but they were still trying to stabilize him so we had no news.  I was worried sick about what was going on and it was even harder not having updates.  finally at four o'clock in the morning I was moved to the room I was going to recover in.  A few hours later they allowed us to see Nathaniel.  I was so scared because I'd never seen such a tiny baby.  You looked a little like a bird to me.  Your arms and legs were smaller than I even imagined your tiny legs were the width on my pinkie.  I was frightened by the noise as you were on a oscillator, and high frequency ventilator.  I didn't know what to do even though I'd been through the micro preemie road before.  I felt so helpless, angry and sad.  And mainly so scared to lose you my precious baby.